Rant--You Do That

You think my life is so grand! I'm this incredible independent woman of the world who can do anything she sets her mind to. I'm infallible. I'm unbreakable. I'm resilient. You say you never want me to lose that. Never return to who I was. The way I was. Was that so bad? Was it so hard to be co-dependent? Do you think I like this? You think I like riding home alone in the middle of the night on the subway? Sure I know that the brown, purple, and red lines all go to the stop where I get off for school. Sure I know how to transfer for free to get to the blue line to get home. Sure I've learned a lot of things about this god awful city and especially how to get around it without even having a car. But if you think for one second that I enjoy it, you're wrong. I don't enjoy any of this. This is shit. It's a shitty way to live. The train smells like shit! The city smells like shit! The people are shitty and I'm turning into one of them. You try living up to everyone's expectations without failing. You try waking up every morning alone. You try walking home every night in the cold. You try realizing that if you died in your apartment no one would notice. You try living every day knowing that the only person you want to be with, the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is miles away. You do it!