Lost

That tiny life inside me
That I thought would soon grow
Is no longer living and neither am I
I give up on producing anything but pain

I can create pain for myself
And for those around me; I'm good at it
It is the constant in my life
The one thing that I know I do well

I cause you pain by being with you
And hurt you more when I'm away
I can't help but to do things I want to
I'm selfish and foolish

I've inflicted pain on myself
To make sure I can still feel
It doesn't hurt like it used to
So I'll try again tomorrow

Tomorrow will come
Even when I don't want it to
And in the morning next to
Last night's mistake, I will cry

A pillow drenched with sweat
Sopping with bitter tears
Is what I'll douse the fire
Between my legs with

For all that I've done in a day
To ease the longing to be with you
I could not bring myself to do
The one thing that could hurt you most

And so I cool
In the warmth of the morning sun
I drown my desires in my nocturnal emissions
And run dehydrated from the sinless place

I am guilty of fornicating in my thoughts
I've lusted again and again in my mind
For men and women who are not you
But have not brought myself to act

Is the act of lusting the same?
Does it carry the same punishment as the act?
If so, then convict me of my crimes
And leave me lost in the hell I've created