Ophelia's Lament

Lifeless floating down mossy river tributaries that lead me where to my end that is better than life that is better than living that is better than living life here with you with you who knows nothing of me and cares nothing of me and does nothing for me and never will river reeds sweep me onward guide me onward downward past trees bushes leaves blossoms logs bump into my head but I am numb to their thuds against my skull I am numb because of you I feel no pain no anguish no guilt for what I have done for you have done far worse to me unknowingly or on purpose your purpose was never good or was it was it good for you to be the way you are to me will it be easy for you to live without me in the world alone without me with no one to hear your ranting and raving like a lunatic among lunatics you won't notice that I'm gone you don't know me you never have you never did you will never know me I commit myself to what is not yours what you cannot own what you cannot touch what is not and will never be yours you cannot touch me for I am gone you will not touch me for I am the filth that dreams are made of I am the one who hates you most and listens to you least and yet I am still here and not here and I never will be here again for you to ruin for you to make me into something that I'm not for you to take by the hand and lead me blindly into a fight that is not mine it is yours your fight that I have fought for you and will fight no longer for you I cannot fight any longer for you I've never loved you I never liked you I despised you for what you are and what you're not and what you can or cannot be for you are dull and more lifeless that my corpse floating gently down this stream into nowhere into somewhere somewhere far away from you where I am not happy or satisfied I am not clever or beautiful I am not but I am better without you I am somewhere you cannot be and nowhere you want to be and yet not happy nor am I sad I have no feelings you took them all you wrapped them up with silver linings with pretty bows made out of steel with guns and sword rammed into people into children into women into men who you say can take it but some are old some are feeble and cannot make it and yet you try to end their lives before their time I don't have to watch you do this to them or make myself feel shame I do not have to live with or without this I do not have to place the blame you did this to them and once I helped you I don't know why but now I won't I won't ever ever ever again have to deal with you or put up with you or agree with you or sit down with you and tell you show you make you believe that you are right you are not right you never were I didn't tell you out of fear out of shame out of knowledge that those around you had that I did not they knew you better they trusted you whole heartedly when I did not I disagree with you I hate you I can't live with you you make my life miserable you make me miserable you live as though you are alone as though you are the only one who matters you matter to you and not to anyone else if you were gone no one would mourn it no one would say oh what a loss to have lost such a brilliant person in their prime in the prime of his life he died he had so much potential he could have gone so far he could have really made something of himself he could have made the world a better place he could have influenced the lives of so many people for the better he could have made a difference in the life of just one person no one could say that and no one ever will no one really likes you they only fear you while you run around remembering dear old dad dad had his day and now it's over he had his day and it is gone no one mourns his leaving no one sits and cries for him no one cares to fight his battles or seek revenge no one but you wants to avenge his death to fight his enemies to dig them out of whatever hole they hide in whatever grave they lie in whatever well they drown in whatever ear they whisper in no one will willingly put poison in the ear of the man who most offended your father unless they have a personal vendetta against him in some way shape or form no one will wish ill will upon him or his family nor will they assist his family in escaping any persecution that is rightly deserved provided that they have offended someone in that way no one will help them flee from here to there or anywhere not o'er the land or sea not o'er the stream in which I lie where there's only room for me tiny me pretty me wronged me who lies her making this endless trip from here to there or where e'er I care or don't care to be tis not up to me me without control over you without protection from you me who you care nothing of and everyone else cares so much about men would die for me friends would die for me family would die for me and as I die and lie here now someone is looking for me missing me wishing they knew where I was because they care that much for me and when they find me in whatever state I should be in wherever I should finally land when my body makes its final lash against the sharp rocks that have poked and prodded me onward downward along with the reeds when I get stuck somewhere along the way someone shall rush to my bleeding side and hover over my lifeless body and shed tears of joy that they have found me tears of hope that I may still be alive and tears of sadness when they realize that I am gone they will drag my remains from the river tributary over the rocks and through the reeds they will carry my shell over whatever land should stand in the way between the mossy banks and my home and fall at the place where they can no longer make it they will give up and run for help and others will come glad to assist in any way they can for I was loved I was wanted I was needed for no other reason than to just be myself everywhere I went to spread happiness with just a simple smile to spread beauty with a bud or bloom as my presence once uplifted them so now they return the favor in a more physical sense and they lift me over their heads and carry me around in search of the perfect spot to lay someone like me you they would through in a shallow grave currently occupied by a jester who lost the ability to be funny or an unknown soldier from some distant war they would kick dirt over your corpse and spit on the sorry excuse for a grave and spend the rest of the day celebrating your demise I will be mourned for days weeks maybe even months or years and receive the most beautiful headstone ever carved carved mind you only as well as the artist could considering that he was carving through his tears and bunches of flowers will be brought to my grave daily for years to come upon my grave these words be said to whom it may concern I died a pleasant death for I loved and too was loved right up until the end to those it may concern I laughed before I died those feelings that often plagued me so I hid well deep inside though you may be concerned I beg you mourn me not for death is but a start again from you mortal finish spot yours will say nothing in hopes that one day everyone will forget that you existed that you hated that you died and when stories are told about what happened during your lifetime they will mention me and perhaps you only as a monster that tormented me until I finally let go and let God